my time is God's time

i am truly very thankful. 

November 13 was a day my life changed. in seconds. my day was going normal. 

i had finished a somewhat stressful day at college. 

i had made plans to babysit the next morning. i was driving home from my youth 

symphony rehearsal. same route i have driven since august. it was late at night.

but i was used to it. in my head i was thinking about my day. i was dreading my upcoming 

test in two days.

as i rethink back over what happened i remember bits and pieces.

i saw a car that was stopped, waiting for me to pass. 

i was going through my green light

then all of a sudden a car was in front of me.

i had one second to realize what was going to happen

and i screamed 

then everything was black...

i have always said i want a fast death. not that fast. i don't want my last thoughts be "i am going to die" 

but now having come that close. i changed my mind. 

i want to be able to say goodbye. i want to tell everyone that i love them. i want to be 

able to apologize. to hug them. cry with them. spend my last hours being with them. 

talking to my Lord. i don't want to go that fast. 

but it's not really my choice. the choice is God's. 

the day after my accident one of my friends was going to a funeral of a boy my age 

who died in a very similar accident the week before. the same day one of my friends told 

me that somebody at his school died in a car accident. only God knows why those people 

died and i was graciously allowed to live. 

 i am so incredibly grateful. i have come to a more shocking realization that my time is 

God's time. He is in complete control of my life. He knew when i woke up that morning 

that i would end the day like that. He knew that when i was joking with my friend about 

getting in a car accident so i could skip the test was actually going to happen. He knows

exactly what I am going to do. He knows my ever single thought. every action. that i have 

done and will do. everything 

God still wants me here. He has me here for a reason. And whatever that may be i want 

to do it all for Him. all for his glory. that is what we were put on earth to do. so go out 

and live your life for God because only He knows your time.